Prayer and Lovemaking

In the writings of the early Hasidic masters, it is said that prayer is a union with the Shekhinah (Divine Feminine).

For example, there are recommendations for a man who meditate before the prayer to imagine as if a desired woman stands before him, thereby bringing himself to arousal. After he has been aroused, he is advised to shift his attention away from the woman as the object of desire and to pray with the power of this awakened passion, as prayer should be alive and fervent.

In my view, this teaching points to a bidirectional equation. That is, if prayer is an intimate union (Zivug), then intimate union can also be prayer. Lovemaking in this world of flesh and blood can be prayer.

Prayer = Union \ Union = Prayer

But when I say prayer, what do I actually mean?

I don't necessarily mean a prayer of requests ("please God, make it so that...") because true prayer isn't just about that. In truth, the majority of prayer should be an expression of praise and gratitude for all the wonderful things that already exist in our lives, and even for the privilege of recognizing the divine presence in our lives. True prayer is in the sense of "Hallelujah."

When the Sages created the structure of Jewish prayer, they ensured that each section of prayer would contain three sequential elements: Praise → Request → Thanksgiving.

For example, the short blessing from the Amidah prayer dealing with wisdom and knowledge begins with praise: "You grace humanity with knowledge and teach understanding to mortals." After the praise, the text moves to a declaration containing a request: "Grace us with wisdom, understanding, and knowledge from You." And then the blessing concludes with thanksgiving: "Blessed are You, YHWH, who graces humans with knowledge."

The rule of the three consecutive parts relates to the Amidah prayer, also known as the Shemoneh Esreh or "Standing Prayer." But the daily prayer ritual doesn't begin there. The morning prayer begins with "Pesukei D'Zimrah," which is a compilation of Psalms focused on praising and thanking the Creator for the beauty of creation — "Praise YHWH from the heavens, praise Him in the heights. Praise Him, all His angels, praise Him, all His hosts," and so on.

And so it should be with the ancient ritual of lovemaking. The entire act of love can be a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. I'm not talking about lovers reciting Psalms to each other during lovemaking (although that could be quite a charming kink, and I'm fairly certain some readers already considering trying it), but rather that lovemaking itself becomes like a dance, like dance was for the early Hasidim — a form of prayer. The act of dancing itself, said the early Hasidic masters, can be prayer when the dancers feel they are dancing within the thickness of divine grace.

What is prayer if not anything we do as a gesture of recognition of the divine presence? In the communication between person and the Divine, everything a person expresses before Spirit is considered prayer, and every way in which a person hears Spirit's voice speaking to them is a form of prophecy, or at least an "echo" of divine voice. (The act of love can also develop into a prophetic experience, and there are advanced practices dealing with this, which I won't elaborate on at the moment).

There may be readers wondering why would they wish to invite God into the act of lovemaking? It feels foreign and weird. Perhaps even frightening and a passion killer, like inviting the strict teacher from high school or our parents into the bedroom. But God is not the strict teacher, nor the authoritative parent. God is "the Beloved."

"Soul Friend" (Yedid Nefesh) is what the ancient Kabbalists called the divine. Friend, yes, not a judge or an educator or an officer. Rumi and Hafiz always call God — "the Beloved."

Try calling God "my beloved" three times a day (using masculine or feminine form as you prefer) for a few months, and see how it changes everything. Afterward, there will be nothing more wonderful than inviting the presence of the Beloved into your bedroom (or wherever else you choose to make love) and feeling that every movement is a physical prayer, every moan says Hallelujah, and the entire act of lovemaking opens wide into hidden realms of sacredness.

Sometimes, after this gushing praise, a deep intimacy is created with the Great Oneness, which is the Beloved, and from this intimacy, the SHE becomes interested in knowing how you're doing and if you happen to need anything. Then and only then, it is also appropriate to express, with humility and gratitude, any request that arises within us from the Great Mystery.

May we all pray a lot, deeply and profoundly.

Pele 2025