Why “Pele"?
A story about drowning in the big sea
I should probably remember the exact date, but I don't. I think it was somewhere in December 2013. My community - the "Hebraic Tribe" - gathered for Shabbat in one of the houses in Pardes-Hana, Israel. After some morning activity, we went for a lunch break. Despite the date, which should indicate winter and cold, that day was sunny and warm. Dawn, My beloved wife, wanted to go to the beach in Caesarea and Yehoo, my son and I decided to join her. Yael, my girlfriend in those days, decided to stay and not come with us to the beach. The community planning was that in the afternoon we would all gather again in a Tamera-style “Forum" circle, which I was supposed to lead.
Just before we left, a woman from the community approached me in the kitchen. I remember standing at the table full of the pot-luck dishes everyone had brought to share, snacking and talking. There was an ongoing story of attraction and sweet curiosity between me and that woman, with a desire for an intimate meeting, which never worked out. She moved from one monogamous relationship to another, and cheating on her partner was, of course, not our thing. We always smiled with laughter at the funny fate that does not allow us to meet. That Saturday, though, she was fresh off a breakup from her partner of the past few months, and thankfully, not yet in a new relationship. She approached me and asked if I wanted to spend the lunch break with her in intimacy. The offer was very tempting, of course, but I had already promised my wife and son that I would go with them to the sea. I thanked her very much and suggested that we take a rain-check.
We got into our battered car and drove to the beach. The sun shone with pleasant warmth on the people lying on the sand, but the wind was strong. If a flag was flown over the lifeguard’s hat that day, it must have been a black flag, but I don't remember for sure. Anyway, we threw the towels on the sand and ran to the water.
Dawn and Yehoo immediately swam in, and I lingered a bit in the shallow water. I knew the sea could be dangerous, but like a typical Israeli, I told myself that "it will be fine," and finally I too dove in. With every wave that returned from the shore, I felt the strong current that swept me deeper into the sea. I remember now that at the edge of my consciousness, I suddenly heard a voice, which sounded like an announcer of a news broadcast on the radio, saying in a somber voice: "An entire family drowned today at the beach in Caesarea..."
I looked ahead, and saw Yehoo playing with the waves and blissful Dawn swimming backstroke, lifted up on a huge swell. I knew she grew up by the Great Lakes of America and doesn't really know the sea with its wild nature.
Suddenly I was struck by the realization that we were in great danger. I tried to shout to them that they must get out of the water, but the wind and the waves laughed at my shouting. I was stressed. I didn't want the news broadcast I heard inside my head to be on the radio that afternoon. I gathered all my strength and swam in their direction.
When I got close enough I shouted again that the sea was dangerous and we must immediately go ashore! they heard.
We started swimming back to shore against the current. It was very difficult to move forward. I felt that my strength was running out. I used up all my energy in the previous swim to warn them.
I said to Dawn: "Keep swimming to shore. I can not make it. Don't wait for me. Get out as fast as you can and get help."
"What do you mean you can't?!" she exclaimed.
I don't remember what I answered, but thank goddess she was convinced and they both swam away from me.
The waves started appearing towards me from opposite directions, swirling. The strong current returning from the shore swept me into the depths. I was so far from the shore that I could no longer see what was happening there, and if Yehoo and Dawn had really managed to reach land. I hoped and believed they were safe and sound, but I wasn't 100 percent convinced. I began to pray: "Whatever happens to me is okay" I said, "the main thing for me is that they will be saved! I am, as always, my son's atonement in any situation and in any form, if necessary."
Suddenly two men's heads appeared from among the waves. They tried to swim towards me. The waves hit them from all sides. I understood that Dawn had sent them to me, and I was happy to know that my family was safe. The guys failed to advance. One of them threw an inflated plastic bag at me, which I strangely managed to catch. This bag was a big lifesaver for me. I leaned on it and rested for a moment. A row of small bubbles released from the bag told me that this rest was going to be over soon.
I was far away from shore. No boat was in sight. No one could swim to me to save me, and I was losing energy by the minute. The situation was clear: In a few minutes I'm going to drown.
“Really?” I was wondering. “Is this how my life ends? Suddenly like this, in the middle of a community Shabbat gathering, during a casual lunch break from which I will never return?”
“Probably so”, I replied myself. “And the truth is that it's not too bad. Dying in the wild surrounded with the elements is not such a terrible option for me.”
I barely kept my head above water. Every now and then, when I tried to breathe, water entered my mouth, and I found myself swallowing large amounts of salty Mediterranean water.
"It's not the healthiest," I said to myself, "this sea is polluted..."
"But anyway, I'm going to die in a moment," I answered to myself, "so it doesn’t matter much... the main thing I need to take care of is not to let the water enter the trachea, as long as I can".
I reviewed my life, and all in all, I was pretty satisfied. I lived a good and full life. I loved with full power. I followed the path of the heart. I did some good things that people will remember favorably, but the main thing was the feeling that I lived a life full of meaning and I followed the paths of love.
The salty water I swallowed in large quantities made my stomach feel sick. I removed my swimsuit and let myself spill the content of my guts into the water. I did my best not to sip any more water. I gathered the last drops of energy and swam away from there. If they find my body floating in a few hours, I don't want it to be covered in feces, I thought to myself. I agree to die, but by all means, I want to die with dignity.
I prayed. I spoke to the Great One and to the spirits of the Sea, Waves, and Wind. In the shamanic awareness, everything is alive and full of divine powers. I remember the moment when I realized that the images that my eyes see now, waves, sun, sky, are the last images that my physical eyes will see. I savored the picture like tasting fine wine. All physical sensations became sharp and clear. I celebrated each of them like a farewell party. I had a good feeling. I felt that death is approaching, and I am not afraid of it and will not fight it. I surrender in sweetness. I’m going in peace and love to the next stage. Into the mystery…
Then, suddenly it hit me: it's indeed lovely that I surrender to death. But do I actually want to live? I remembered the offer of that woman from my community, and I wanted to implement it. Every time I’m in Israel, she is with a different monogamous man, and now that she is free, I will suddenly die? No! I want to live! That led me to think about all the times that I didn't live fully because I was fulfilling and pleasing the wishes of others. I decided that if by any chance I continue to live, the story of pleasing others is over. From now on, if I live, I will live even more fully and authentically. Whether humans will like it, or not. The next time I’m at the edge of death, I want to look back and know I was not pleasing but living my own life in the most original way possible — the way of my soul.
I turned to all the gods in the world (yes, I am a great pagan, living with countless divine powers that all exist within great divine unity) and said:
"Listen, it's true that I surrender and wholeheartedly agree to die. But … if you ask me what I want - I want to live! And I will truly live! No pleasing anymore!”
I couldn't believe it, but within a few seconds a massive wave caught me, took me with it towards the shore, and threw me onto the rocks.
I heard people shouting at me: “Be careful! Rocks!”
But I was so happy for these rocks. Just give me something steady to hold on to! I clung to those rough rocks with so much joy. The wave returned home to the depths of the sea, and some good people came and carried me to shore.
I was that man from the movies, who is carried by both his arms to the beach, his feet plow furrows in the sand. This man who is almost dead and has no strength to move a finger. And I was aware of it all and laughing.
I didn't have the strength to move a finger, but I could grin big. I was fascinated. It was amazing. A moment ago I almost died, and here I am, safe and sound on the beach?
The good people lay me on the sand. They asked if I was okay and if they should order an ambulance. I told them I was exhausted but perfectly fine. I didn't breathe water. Dawn and Yehoo arrived immediately, and the joy was immense.
Ah! The banana they gave me after a while was orgasmic! What a great invention a banana is!
After resting, they helped me get to the car. Dawn drove, and we returned to our tribe, who was completely unaware of all the drama. I remember how my beloved Yael, who heard from my wife what happened, got up from the swing that was hanging on a big branch. She approached me with loving eyes and blessed me for still being alive.
I also blessed it, of course, but I didn't have many words.
I could not guide the forum. Tamir Ya’ari guided it for us, and I stretched out, lying on the floor. I had no strength to sit.
At one point, while I was lying on the floor, I was asked to share.
"What can I say?" I said... "A moment ago, I gave my life to God... and suddenly I'm here... I’m alive… and yet I feel that in a certain sense, I did die..."
“So, who died there in the sea?" asked Tamir as the forum’s guide.
"Rabbi Ohad Ezrahi had died," I answered without hesitation.
“If so, then who are you?" he asked.
"Me?" I wondered... "I really do not know"...
A Hasidic melody with the lyrics of Rabbi Nachman of Breslove began playing in my heart: "I am a wonder (Pele, in Hebrew), my soul is a great miracle, an original like me has never been before".
"I'm a wonder," I replied in great wonder at everything that was happening. "I'm Pele"...
This is the story.
***
Since then, people call me both Pele and Ohad. intermittently. Like our forefather Jacob, who received the name Israel from the angel, and despite this, continues to be called Jacob from time to time in the book of Genesis.
Since I don't live in Israel, no one around me understands the meaning of the Hebrew name Pele. Some ask me if I play soccer because of Pelle, the Brazilian soccer player. Spiritual people think I am named after the Hawaiian volcanic goddess Pele, who’s often depicted raging with a boiling lava heart. They see I'm not exactly the raging type... so that name still seems strange to them.
I always find myself explaining that my name means wonder in Hebrew. Wonder, miracle, and everything that is beyond logic, reason, and mind. As Rabbi Nachman of Breslove said: "My not-knowing is a great innovation”.
The spelling of my name in Hebrew letters is meaningful to me. I do not resonate with the P.E.L.E spelling. For me, my name comes in Hebrew letters. פלא
the Kabbalistic meaning of Pele is related to the secret of the letter Aleph אלף, and to the secret of the Ophel אפל — Darkness — because in Hebrew, they all share the same letters, in different order.
I named the second book of my historical novel trilogy “Kedsha— Shining Darkness” as this book deals with the mystic leader Jacob Frank, who was obsessed with the hidden secrets of the letter Aleph, which stands for the One, the ultimate non-dual oneness that precedes the letter Beit — two. Aleph is the paradoxical unity that comes before the dualistic polarisation of good and bad, right and wrong, etc.
For me, all this is folded in my name פלא in Hebrew. So if you call me Pele, feel it in the multilayered Hebrew sense of it.
Thank you
