Gafni, me, and Lilith. A confession
Victim consciousness is so alluring. It’s incredibly human to find ourselves sliding into it despite our honest desires to function on more aware levels of consciousness. We all have fallen many times to play on the Drama Triangle, and at this stage of human evolution, we are all likely to still find ourselves allured into it unconsciously, even if only in subtle ways. I wish to share a painful incident from my past, where I too had functioned this way. Recognizing it is helping me develop more compassion towards people who point fingers at me since I know that I have done it too and we are all so perfectly human…
This is how I fell into the drama triangle, identified myself as a victim, and marked my dear brother as a perpetrator just because I couldn't stand in my own power. Here is how I, too, gave my power away because it was easier to be a victim than to admit that I had crossed my own boundaries. I made those mistakes, and I am here now, years after, to apologize and make a Tikun, as we call it in Kabbalah.
From 1997 to 1999 Marc Gafni and I collaborated on a book that would be published in 2005 in Israel under the name "Who's afraid of Lilith?"
When we made the initial agreement of collaboration, I did not express my truth. I kept some reservations in my belly and did not stand for myself and my authentic boundaries. My truth at that time was that we should not be considered co-authors of that book. I wanted to be the author and have Gafni as a contributor. But I did not speak openly about my feelings and concerns. To be honest, I wanted the benefits that could come with Gafni’s name on the book, so I gave my power away and did not speak. Resentment grew in me until years later, when a campaign was launched against him, and I added my story to the other victims. I claimed that he actually stole my ideas and manipulated me to have his name on my book.
Today I am so sorry for doing so.
Today I can see that it was nothing but me not standing up for myself and blaming him for that. Had I spoken my truth, I am sure we would have found a way to respect us both in the best way possible. But I didn't. The victim story was too tempting. I got power and recognition by being a victim and by joining a wave of other victim stories. I didn’t even bother to check how accurate they were. By neglecting to claim my power, I created unnecessary drama and caused pain to myself and to my dear brother. So I want to publicly say here – Marc, brother, I am sorry! I love you. Please forgive me.
It is so easy to fall into victim consciousness and blame others for our own mistakes. It is deeply humbling to recognize that I did it... and that recognition helps me look with compassion and understanding toward other people who did the same to me.
So I want to make it clear. Marc Gafni did not steal anything from me, he was kind and generous to me. It was me who robbed myself of my own power by blaming him for my inability to be honest and clearly state my needs and boundaries. I am sorry for that.
In 2023, Marc and I will start to rewrite this book about Lilith, which many people are eager for. We have both grown and evolved a lot since 2005. We found peace, forgave each other for our past shortcomings, and joyfully decided to renew our collaboration.
Lilith is happy, I am sure of it. We hope to come back soon with this Kabbalistic masterpiece enhanced with powerful upgrades.
Lilith herself needs to learn how to grow out of her victim consciousness, and it starts with us.
Ohad Pele, Dec 2022, Costa Rica.
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