Feedback & Accountability
I’m always interested in becoming a better servant of Love, Freedom, and Empowerment.
I welcome your candid feedback.
In 2023, in response to feedback from members of our international community, I took a sabbatical from teaching and used this time for inner work. The following statement encapsulates that journey. I invite you to read it in full.
I walk the path of my soul, often in places where I find no paved road ahead of me. I commit to continue to grow, take responsibility for my power and impact, and learn from my mistakes, to create a better world for us all.
Accountability, Responsibility, and the Upgrading of My Work
For the past two decades, I've devoted my life’s work to exploring and teaching the sacredness of Eros, pioneering new paths through uncharted territories in service of Love, Freedom, and Empowerment which I view as one divine and sacred power. I was part of organizations that consciously and publicly chose to allow intimate relating between faculty and students, with the clear intention of practicing radical transparency and the wish to empower everyone to stand in sovereignty.
In 2022, public discussions about me raised concerns that I failed to fully consider the reality of trauma and the impact of my own power when navigating intimate relating within teaching environments.
After a lot of contemplation, I now recognize that I needed to take more into account relevant perspectives of trauma and power. By not adequately doing so I have at times negatively impacted people who came to me for growth and development. As a leader in the field, I played a role in this collective error by failing to see it in time and take action sooner. In addition, I recognize now that I have not done enough to consistently inform participants of the radical nature of my work. I also did not explain enough the deep reasons that stand behind those choices. As a result, people have not been always able to choose whether this is the right path for them or not. I’m deeply sorry for this lapse in my discernment, and I am committed to doing better in the future.
Throughout my whole life, I’ve worked to create a new world, in which power is more fluidly shared, and social classes are not formed to separate us from one another. I recognize that in my quest to create a community of equals, I have occasionally failed to own or appreciate the power I held as a teacher, author, and elder in the spaces I occupied. At times, this meant I abdicated my responsibilities, which resulted in some people feeling unsafe and sometimes hurt. My heart aches to recognize that.
I wish I had done better to:
Set clearer expectations about what one might expect in each of my containers, especially regarding sovereignty and radical transparency.
Recognize trauma responses in others, especially around fawning and subtle aspects of freeze.
Recognize and proactively name power dynamics, and take steps to avoid potential harm.
Sense better how the way I navigate my sexuality, as a leader, impacts the general field.
Greet feedback with humility and gratitude.
Over the last 18 months, I have upgraded my standards for all of the above. I acknowledge with sadness that my falling short of these standards was at times hurtful for others, all the more so because of how I am established as a leader in the field of conscious sexuality.
The painful result of the above is that some people feel disrespected and taken advantage of by me. It is devastating for me to realize this. I wish I had been better able to hear them when they vulnerably revealed this to me, compassionately feel their pain, and learn from their feedback, rather than letting my arrogance and defensiveness get in the way.
I have learned from the past and have taken actions to lessen potential harm in the future.
ACTIONS TAKEN
Over the last 18 months, I’ve taken several actions to level up:
I have invited mediation and repair with those whom I am aware felt hurt by their connection with me. Those processes are ongoing, and I remain committed to continuing to show up for them.
I stepped back from all teaching engagements for a year (Sept 2022 - Sept 2023), canceling planned events and dedicating this time to inner work and learning.
I accepted the invitation to participate in the first round of ISTA’s Accountability Process, under the deep gaze of professionals from within and without the organization. This process is close to completion.
I took a course on “Trauma for Tantra Professionals”. Upon finishing, I was tested and received a certification as a Trauma-Informed Tantra Professional.
I deepened my understanding of the Reichian character structures and defense patterns so that I am better equipped to work with different types of people accordingly.
I worked deeply with a woman psychotherapist, as well as with an indigenous elder mentor, to gain insight into my unconscious shadows and blind spots.
As part of my soul searching, I felt that I needed to check my body’s memory and my subconscious. Hence, I underwent a professional polygraph test to check if I was lying to myself. Although such a test cannot measure the impact that I've had on others, it did confirm that I've never consciously or intentionally violated anyone's boundaries. The results are here.
I worked with a professional accountability coach (Mischa Byruck www.evolve.men) on topics of power, impact, and the accountability of leaders.
I worked intensively with a female coach on how to remain open, undefended, and humble when receiving critical feedback.
I worked intentionally with shamanic medicines to help me “walk a mile in the shoes” of those impacted by me, feel their world, and see myself through their eyes.
CHANGES MADE
I’ve also made the following changes in my offerings:
Increasing upfront clarity about my containers: I am committed to being specific about what can be expected from each space that I hold. I will make sure that all participants know this clearly in advance, so they can make informed decisions.
Refraining from interactions: I will not enter into personal sexual contact with a new student during a seminar. Beyond teaching containers, I will be very mindful of my interactions with anyone who views me primarily as a teacher. As always, I will strictly follow the current sexual protocols of ISTA, or any other organization I will be working with.
Proactive awareness of power dynamics: I will make sure to consider all the potential power dynamics that might arise in my containers (not only related to sexuality). I will create structures of clarity, agency, and transparency around those issues aimed at mitigating the risk that unconscious power dynamics might cause.
Direct Feedback: I installed a feedback form on my website. In addition, people can contact Safe Mediation or ISTA regarding my work in ISTA. I promise to treat all feedback seriously, with respect and gratitude, even if it is challenging for me to read.
Clarifying the goal of my work: I am here to inspire the creation of a new society based on the vibrations of Love, Freedom, and Empowerment for all. Sacred love and sexuality are an important aspect of my work. Still, they need to be realized within a much broader context which includes spiritual awakening, healthy communications, healthy community life, and respectful connection to Nature and to our ancestral roots, through ancient wisdom traditions. I will make this clearer to those who study with me, so they too feel inspired to develop themselves in all aspects of their sacred life, and will not be mistaken to see sacred sexuality as a stand-alone field.
I acknowledge again the impact of my shortcomings on certain individuals who have looked to me for leadership, and my heart hurts for the pain they experienced through relating with me.
I am grateful to everyone who has offered me feedback, and to the people at ISTA and across my various communities, who have shown me support and love throughout the last 18 months.
I remain open to feedback and commit to receiving it with openness and gratitude. For anyone still feeling the pain of a rupture, please know that I wish to hear you, feel your feelings, learn from your experience, and repair with you.
I am moving forward with a renewed commitment to the mission of my soul: Clarifying and spreading the power and beauty of sacred life, the life that is dedicated to Love, Freedom, and Empowerment for all. I invite those who feel inspired by that to walk beside me.
~ Pele
(Feb 2024)